


Hookup Culture

by connorsmarkus (nnivanfields)



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Flashbacks, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Human AU, Lots of Sex Scenes, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-10
Updated: 2019-10-09
Packaged: 2020-11-28 18:29:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 17,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20971079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nnivanfields/pseuds/connorsmarkus
Summary: Humans are impulsive. It doesn’t matter how cautious or thoughtful you think you are—there is always going to be a point in time, likely multiple ones, where you say or do something without thinking twice about it. You can be the most neurotic person in the world about something, but you can’t completely evade your human nature.This is Connor. Always careful, always second-guessing himself. His quick thinking is often mistaken for impulsiveness, but in real-life situations, he’s easily the most successful person he knows because he doesn’t leave anything to chance. He’s always dipping his toes into the water to measure the temperature before he climbs in.So why he’s gone and fucked up as badly as he has this time around is beyond him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a request from the lovely Mimorugk on Tumblr. The request was a fwb-to-lovers rk1k fic with smut and angst and a happy ending. 
> 
> I had a lot of fun writing this. Hope y'all enjoy it!

Humans are impulsive. It doesn’t matter how cautious or thoughtful you think you are—there is always going to be a point in time, likely multiple ones, where you say or do something without thinking twice about it. You can be the most neurotic person in the world about something, but you can’t completely evade your human nature.

This is Connor. Always careful, always second-guessing himself. His quick thinking is often mistaken for impulsiveness, but in real-life situations, he’s easily the most successful person he knows because he doesn’t leave anything to chance. He’s always dipping his toes into the water to measure the temperature before he climbs in.

So why he’s gone and fucked up as badly as he has this time around is beyond him.

He’s lying on his back, alone, in the bed that he never occupies by himself before nine o’clock at night, with his forearm resting over his eyes and his naked form just barely obscured by a blanket resting over his waist. His sexual tension is left unresolved, but his body no longer aches for release. Embarrassment, regret, frustration…these things make it difficult to retain interest in such an urge.

Connor never, ever opens his mouth without thinking. So why did he choose to do so today?

\--- --- --- --- ---

_“It’s just for now.” _

_Markus’ voice is reassuring. Connor doesn’t have the time nor the emotional capacity at the moment to engage in anything beyond ‘just for now’. But as Markus closes his lips on the crook of his neck, he knows he wants the physical. Yeah, he’s physically attracted to Markus. Yeah, he’s thought about opening his legs to him before. But between work and his social obligations at home, he doesn’t have the ability to entertain anything beyond that._

_“It’s just release,” Markus explains, and Connor believes him. They’re close enough as friends that Connor finds it in him to trust those words. They’re just having sex—it doesn’t have to be a relationship. It doesn’t have to be anything other than two friends seeking out physical release together. They both need it. Connor’s stressed from work, and Markus both looks and sounds like his situation isn’t much different. _

_It’s just sex. It’s just release. It’s just for now. Connor can handle that, especially with the way Markus’ hands travel down his front and pop open the buttons to his shirt. He feels exposed, but exposed to a friend. To someone who he knows will take good care of his body. To someone who is so passionate and caring that Connor doesn’t have a doubt in his mind he’s fine giving himself to._

_They’re not dating. They’re never going to be dating, and Connor’s okay with that. Nothing about them says emotional compatibility. Their personalities are opposites. Markus is impulsive and has a tendency to jump to a decision, while Connor proofreads every word in his head before he says anything. Markus is sweet and loving and tender, while Connor often comes across as dense to other people’s emotions, even to the point of barely understanding his own. Markus is strong-willed and firm in his beliefs, while Connor throws logic into every opinion he dares to form on his own._

_They’re not compatible emotionally._

_But physically, it’s like magic. Physically, Connor can’t get enough. Physically, he loves the way Markus hovers over him as he works him from the inside. He loves Markus’ attention to detail—how those artistic fingers of his take the time to explore him while they move together. He loves the feeling of Markus’ hands splayed out on his chest or his side or face. How they feel bundled up in his hair or curled around his cock. _

_Physically, Connor loves that Markus knows exactly what to do to make him feel good. _

_“It’s just sex,” Connor tells him as he backs onto his couch and props himself up on his hands. “It’s okay.”_

_Markus nods in agreement, moving to straddle Connor’s waist. He lowers him down onto his back. He covers the crook of his neck with his mouth once more. Connor feels reassurance in those words as he curls his arms around Markus’ frame and opens himself up to him._

_\--- --- --- --- ---_

Connor never shows up late to work. If anything, he’s always early enough to provide his partner with fresh coffee and review their cases for the day. He’s always on top of things, because he’s obsessed with being meticulous. He leaves nothing to chance, and that’s part of why he’s so good at his job.

But following last night’s events, Connor found sleep hard to come by, and by the time morning had rolled along, he had only just managed to get himself some rest. He’d slept right through his alarm, and it wasn’t until Hank had awakened him with a phone call that he had all-but jumped out of bed.

Now, he looks like absolute hell. Connor had taken a hasty shower, but he hadn’t taken the time to straighten himself out like he always does as a part of his morning ritual. His curls are more pronounced and his hair disheveled, and his tie is so crooked that Hank drags him into the bullpen by it and takes it upon himself to adjust it. He’s fixed his own coffee judging by the mug sitting at the corner of his desk, but he doesn’t look happy about it. Connor knows it’s less that his coffee wasn’t ready for him and more that something had gone and managed to screw up Connor’s near-perfect attendance record.

He’s worried, even if he’s hiding it behind that gruff, impatient expression.

“I don’t have to state the obvious, do I?” Hank questions bluntly, and Connor is too tired to bring himself to deduce what that even means. Hank sees this, and even though he’s irritable about it, he releases a sigh and finishes correcting Connor’s tie. He steps back, crossing his arms over his chest. “This isn’t like you.”

Connor is awful at deviating from routine, but the rebuttal falls from his tongue no less. “It’s just once.”

Hank doesn’t look impressed by the words. Then again, Connor doesn’t blame him. “You sick?”

Connor shakes his head.

Hank’s expression doesn’t change. “Is it somethin’ I need to be offering to let you talk about?” When Connor shakes his head yet again, Hank sighs and starts toward his desk. “Then let’s get to work.”

It’s not surprising to Connor that he’s not in trouble for being late to work. It’s the first and likely the last time it’s going to happen, and things will be fine once Connor manages to get his head into the game once more. Which he’s extremely good at. Like any human, he’s got a social life that occupies his mind from time to time, but once he’s on the clock at work, he’s extremely capable of putting his brain on that.

Except this time, he’s not. This time, it’s different, because he may or may not have lost one of his best friends. Connor isn’t impulsive, but tonight may be a night that he needs to spend with a beer and a friend. At the very least, tomorrow’s the weekend, so he’ll have the next day off to recuperate.

\--- --- --- --- ---

_They weren’t planning on having sex a second time. The first had been something they had decided to do because they hadn’t had anyone else. Now, a rapidly-commencing second time, is because they both recall how good it had been the first time around. They promise one another they just need another fix, and Connor bares himself to Markus once more._

_His arms are coiled tightly around Markus’ shoulders as Markus fucks him. Each thrust is deliberate and slow and leaves Connor utterly breathless. His body quivers relentlessly with each movement. His back arches, and a series of curses and moans spill shamelessly from his lips. Markus finds Connor’s prostate and he throws his head back, gasping in shock and pleasure at the feeling._

_Markus feels so good. He knows so well what he’s doing. It’s like Connor is a finely tuned instrument and Markus knows exactly which strings to pull. The second time wasn’t planned, but as Connor’s release hits him like a freight train, he knows he doesn’t regret it._

_They’re both left gasping at the end of it all, Connor on his back with Markus all slumped atop him. They don’t kiss. They don’t dare kiss._

_“This…this doesn’t have to stop,” Markus manages as he pulls out and flops over onto the bed next to Connor. “It doesn’t have to be anything, either.”_

_Connor knows the reasoning behind those words. He knows that whatever is forming between them has quickly grown symbiotic—that they’re going to keep finding reasons to sleep together. That they might as well just continue being physically involved without questioning it._

_“It’s just sex,” Connor explains, just like he had the first time. “It doesn’t have to be anything more or anything less than that.”_

\--- --- --- --- ---

Connor had never actually entertained the idea of having a friend with benefits before he and Markus had decided to go to that point with one another. Hell, even they had initially not considered it that. The intention had been a one-time foray into sexual release without anything else. The simple fact of the matter was that Connor and Markus were best friends. If they’d chosen a person to have a one-time sexual tryst with, it was just so much easier to go to someone they trust.

Connor has known Markus since his high school years. They’ve been inseparable ever since then. North, Josh, and Simon had taken Connor in without missing a beat once they’d learned that Connor’s closest friend at the time had been Simon’s twin brother, Daniel. Their little circle of friends has stayed complete ever since. Even after graduating college and starting their careers, they’re all still friends.

It’s just that Connor and Markus happen to have more balanced schedules. They’re still too busy to do much with those schedules outside of work, but they’ve had the easiest time keeping contact, and they’ve grown closer because of it.

Connor trusts Markus with everything. With job details he’s technically not supposed to divulge, and with rants about Hank’s alcoholism. He trusts him with his personal frustration about his family life, and he knows Markus trusts him with the same.

It makes perfect sense why they’d sought out physical comfort in one another, and why they continued to do so even when the red flags started popping up.

If you’re even the slightest bit of a romantic person, you don’t dare cross the threshold of friends with benefits. It never stays physical. This rule has been pounded into modern society’s heads repeatedly in the form of romantic comedies and dramatic stories told in novels. Connor knows better, but he supposes he’d just thought that he and Markus would be different. He could trust Markus to keep his feelings separate from his urges.

He’d never once thought it’d be because of himself that things got weird.

“Connor!”

When he hears Hank’s voice, Connor finds himself looking up to see the man snapping his fingers in his face. Connor shakes his head, trying to remove the thoughts from his mind. God…why is he letting this dominate him so much today? He has to get his head in the game. He has to focus on work.

Connor never brings home into work. He’s the master at clocking out from home when he clocks in for work. But here he is, spacing out yet again. He releases a long sigh, raising a hand to run his fingers through his hair.

“You’re startin’ to piss me off with this space cadet shit,” Hank explains curtly. Connor knows he doesn’t mean any harm with the words, but considering he’d told Hank that nothing major was going on, it sort of makes sense that he’d be getting irritated. Hell, Connor gets irritated when Hank lets his hangovers from nights out drinking take over his work ethic. He can’t exactly fault him for this one.

In any case, he shakes his head. “I’m sorry, Hank. I’ll do better.”

Hank frowns. “It’s not that you’re spacing out that’s pissing me off, Connor. It’s that something’s on your mind and it’s enough to have you out of it, which is a big fuckin’ surprise coming from you, but you’re refusing to tell me what it is.”

Connor shakes his head again. “It’s not important. It’s just bothersome. I’ll deal with it on my own time.”

Connor is stronger than this. He’s not the type of person to get overwhelmed by personal matters. He’s just got to get his mind off of it, is all. With that, he forces himself to focus on the monitor before him. They’ve got a couple of minor investigations to conduct today. The perfect distraction from reality.

\--- --- --- --- ---

_Markus looks so damned pitiful. Connor isn’t an emotionally-driven person. It’s hard for him to know the proper way to comfort someone who looks so distraught. But it also isn’t every day you witness your best friend having to bury their dad, either._

_Markus has just finished a spiel about how even the almost never present Leo Manfred had been there, and how much of a wreck he had been during the entire procession. Markus had fancied Carl to be invincible. Even knowing the old man was on his deathbed hadn’t been proof enough until Markus had been at that ceremony and had no choice but to come to terms with the fact that he wasn’t coming back. _

_Markus is an emotional man, but not to the point that he cries about everything. He’s passionate in his words and speech, but he’s not the type to burst into tears when he gets particularly serious about something. Right now, however, he’s just finished crying, and he looks absolutely beside himself with distress. Connor quite honestly doesn’t know what to do._

_“I’m so sorry, Markus,” Connor tries as they sit on the couch in Markus’ home. Markus is staring down at his lap, looking utterly deflated, his elbows resting on his knees. “Just remember Carl wouldn’t have wanted you to suffer when he passed away.” That sounds like something Connor would tell someone when a loved one was murdered during a case. It sounds like a haphazard attempt at reassurance so that he can extract the answers he needs to proceed. It doesn’t feel like enough for someone like Markus. Someone Connor cherishes so deeply that it pains him to see him this way._

_But…what is he supposed to say?_

_Markus doesn’t respond. He simply curls in on himself and shakes his head, and Connor knows without having to see his face that he’s trying to swallow down yet another bout of tears. It hurts…seeing him like this. Connor can only imagine how much it hurts to be the one suffering right now._

_He reaches out without thinking and closes his hands on Markus’ shoulders. Gives him the gentlest of shakes until he looks up and their eyes meet. Markus’ mismatched gaze is so glassy and puffy and miserable that Connor damn near waxes emotional himself at the sight. It’s the best he can manage to offer, “Is there anything I can do?”_

_Markus doesn’t respond—at least, not verbally. Instead, he crumples forward and allows himself to lean on Connor. Curls his arms around him and buries his face in his shoulder. Connor feels him shaking, and it aches so viscerally that he can’t do anything better than slide his arms around Markus’ neck and hold him close. His fingers trail down along his neck, brushing along his hair, and he attempts his very best to whisper soothing words into the other man’s ear._

_He just wants him to be okay. He respects Markus so strongly, and seeing him looking so weak is hard. He just…wants him to be okay._

_They don’t say anything beyond that. Markus cries freely, his voice heavy with the sounds of his sobbing, until he either can’t cry anymore or just decides to stop. His body grows weak in Connor’s grip, and Connor gently pulls him back._

_God…it’s so sad to see him this way. The whites of his eyes are all bloodshot, and his cheeks are stained with tear tracks. He looks utterly broken, and Connor is weakened himself by the sight. _

_“Markus…”_

_Markus shakes his head. “Don’t go.”_

_Connor mirrors the gesture and cups the man’s face in his own hands. “I won’t. I’m here.”_

_He watches in near-slow-motion as Markus lowers a hand down to his chest. Sees the conflict on his face as he pushes Connor onto his back. The emotional turmoil is all over him as he tips his head and buries his face in the crook of Connor’s neck._

_It isn’t right to let Markus take him like this. But Connor imagines he needs something—anything—to clear his mind. For that reason, Connor doesn’t fight him off. He craves the feeling, and while this is a lot more emotionally-driven than their usual trysts, Connor doesn’t want him to stop. He feels the pressure of Markus’ knee between his thighs and immediately nods, giving Markus permission to continue._

_It’s so much different than the other times. Markus is still shaking, and his breathing is ragged and uncertain. His fingers are clumsy and lost, and they don’t get to the point where he’s buried deep inside of Connor. It’s more a clumsy, quick mess of hands fumbling at pants and fingers curling around each other’s cocks, stroking one another to an impatient, yet necessary, release._

_And when Markus finishes, he’s crying again. Connor holds him atop him and coos more reassurance into his ear. Lets him cry. Chooses to spend the night with him. His heart aches, and there’s something else there. Something he should have jumped away from when he’d gotten the chance._

_This time, it isn’t just sex. _

_It’s never going to be just sex again._

\--- --- --- --- ---

For the most part, Connor survives work in one piece. As promised, he manages to keep his head in the game for the rest of the work day, but it’s exhausting to do so. Maybe it’s just because Connor has never given himself the capacity to feel this way before, or maybe it’s because he himself is changing, but today has been a struggle. Whenever Connor would have a moment to himself to think, Markus would come back. Markus, and their last heated moment together. The very same heated moment that could be the end of their friendship altogether.

All because Connor has gone and gotten himself attached. All because he’s done the very thing he had consistently reminded himself he wasn’t going to do. And now, it’s taking a toll on his work life.

Being realistic, Connor thinks that maybe time will get him back onto his feet. Today has sucked monumentally, but that doesn’t mean tomorrow is going to be as self-dominating. Provided Connor actually manages to make it into work on time, his entire day may be as normal as it was before everything had gotten so complicated.

But right now…Connor doesn’t feel that way about it. Right now, he’s tired and he’s frustrated and he just needs someone to talk to about it.

Hank gave him plenty of opportunities today, but he’s got enough on his plate. Connor can’t bring himself to bombard Hank’s already dense issues with losing his son over something as petty as Connor’s inner turmoil about a night that may or may not be able to be salvaged.

Daniel, however…Connor can talk to Daniel about it. And Daniel will be understanding about the notice, too. Connor is a planner—he typically requests to spend time with his friends a couple of days in advance or on the weekend, so with Connor suddenly calling him up now, he’ll likely sense the urgency and be ready to come over right away.

Daniel is a good friend. A bit on the brash side, and yet another personality that clashes with Connor’s own but comes together fluidly in a friendship. Daniel is the ear Connor vents to when Markus can’t be around, and considering Markus is about to not be around anymore, Connor desperately needs to see Daniel.

As expected, Daniel is quick to accept. He tells Connor to give him an hour and he’ll be there, which is just enough time for Connor to grab something to cook for dinner and get out of his work clothes. If he’s going to drag Daniel over to his place, he should at least cook him something, right?

\--- --- --- --- ---

_“This feels like it’s pushing boundaries a little.”_

_Connor is lying on the couch on his stomach, just wearing his pajama pants and a baggy white tee shirt that had gotten flung over the couch during his tryst with Markus. Markus, clad in his jeans and a tee shirt, glances over at Connor from the kitchen, a little confused._

_“Me cooking dinner?”_

_“At my house,” Connor clarifies. “After sex. Doesn’t that seem like a little more than friendship to you?”_

_Markus scoffs. “You’re doing that technical thing again, Connor. I’m just hungry, and I know you are too.”_

_Connor knows he doesn’t look satisfied with that answer. He also knows there’s probably a part of him who knows that Markus is right, and that he’s overthinking the whole thing. So Markus is cooking after they’ve had sex—what’s wrong with that?_

_Thankfully, Markus is a fantastic friend. As he stirs away at the meal he’s cooking, he fixes Connor with a blatant stare. “Do you want us to be dating?”_

_Connor shakes his head. “We can’t.”_

_Markus shrugs. “Do you want to stop having sex?”_

_Again, Connor shakes his head. “I don’t.”_

_“Then we’re still just friends who sleep together,” Markus answers simply. “And I’m hungry, and so are you, so we’re also going to be friends who eat together.”_

_Connor watches Markus fix them both drinks from the fridge, and as the meal he’s cooking simmers, he takes a seat on the portion of the couch that Connor’s not occupying. “You’re overthinking. You’ve just got to let things be as they are, because you obviously don’t want them to change.”_

_As Connor accepts his drink, he turns and moves to sit upright, his gaze locked on Markus’ in mild awe. How in the hell does Markus do that? How can he simply be okay with everything and not bother second-guessing? Is it really so easy as just choosing not to think about it? Connor can’t begin to imagine a situation in which it is. Hell, he’s already thinking about it without trying now. _

_And he continues to think about it, even as Markus finds the remote and turns the television on._

_\--- --- --- --- ---_

Connor isn’t the best cook. If he’s given a recipe, he can follow it without fail, but coming up with something on his own without knowing the measurements he needs is more of a challenge.

However, Daniel possesses a voracious appetite that thankfully doesn’t go hand-in-hand with his taste preferences, so the quick little meal Connor has managed to come up with out of chicken and noodles and cheese doesn’t go untouched. If it had been Markus, Connor’s cooking would have been hijacked midway through and he’d have tried to fight Markus off as the man threw in _pinches_ of spice and _dollops_ of flavor like it was nothing, without measuring, as if he just somehow magically knew how much belonged in there.

This meal has suffered the lack of Markus’ presence, and even as Daniel chows away at it, Connor can’t bring himself to stop staring sadly at the mixture like it needs a little more. His heart feels heavy, and he gnaws at his lip in deep thought.

Even though it hasn’t even been a full day, Connor finds that he misses Markus. Not just the sex, or the cooking afterward. He misses Markus slipping up behind him mid-meal and blatantly telling him he’s a terrible cook, and he misses that laugh and that smile and that stupidly poetic way of speaking he often gravitates toward. He misses their long talks and how Markus could leave Connor laughing so hard he couldn’t breathe.

He’s trying to tell himself that all is not lost—that he hasn’t just gone and screwed everything up—but it’s such a hard pill to swallow when your mouth is dry.

“Dude,” Daniel speaks up, drawing Connor’s attention away from his plate. “You stare at that shit any longer and I’m gonna think you’re trying to revive the damned bird inside. Either that, or you’re gonna try to drown yourself in it. What’s on your mind?”

Right. Because Connor had called Daniel over to talk to him about what had happened. Because Daniel knows more about the situation than anyone else—likely even more than North and Josh and Simon. Connor isn’t certain how much Markus has told their other friends, but Connor tells Daniel everything, so he knew from the beginning that Connor and Markus had started sleeping together.

“I should never have had sex with Markus,” Connor starts bluntly, setting his plate aside. He’s not hungry.

Daniel frowns at the plate, and then at Connor, before he lets out a sigh. “I could’ve told you that much. What happened?”

Connor wants to scoff. Daniel says he _could’ve_ told Connor that much, when he actually _did_. The minute Connor had confided in him about his first sexual encounter with Markus, Daniel had outright laughed and told him that it was a mistake, and that they shouldn’t do it again. That friends with benefits was never a concept that worked out.

_“You don’t just casually fuck someone unless you plan on never seeing them again.”_

Connor hadn’t taken those words to heart at the time, because it hadn’t seemed like a big deal. He and Markus had gone right back to their normal selves after, as if nothing had happened. They had been just as close as ever. It hadn’t really occurred to Connor that he would ever grow more attached to Markus, because he was already so damned attached to him as it was. It was hard to imagine that he could get any closer to a person than he was with Markus.

But he’d been so wrong.

“Connor.” Daniel’s words bring Connor back to the present a second time, and this time, Connor finds himself peering into a set of very concerned blue eyes. “You’re freaking me out a little, here. What the hell happened? Did he do something to hurt you?”

Connor shakes his head quickly. “No…I…It may actually be the other way around.”

Daniel’s frown deepens. “You’re…gonna have to explain that a little bit better.”

How in the hell had it been so easy to say it aloud in the middle of sex? Connor can barely figure out how to put it into words now, and he’s not even saying it to the same person.

Has he really gone and fallen in love with his best friend?

As Connor opens his mouth to speak, he already knows the answer to that subconscious question.

\--- --- --- --- ---

_Connor doesn’t think he’s overthinking. He knows beyond any shadow of a doubt that things have gotten far more complicated than that. Maybe at one point he had been thinking a little too deeply about it, but right now, he knows he’s not wrong._

_And yet, he still chooses to pursue nights like tonight with Markus. He still gropes desperately at the bookshelf he’s pinned up against as Markus hoists his legs around his waist and fucks him against it. His head lolls to the side and he lets his mouth fall open to shamelessly let spill pleasured moan after pleasured moan. _

_It’s not like the sex has led to things changing. At this point, Connor’s mind is telling him that maybe they’ve already been changing, and the sex has helped to open his eyes to that. He wonders what Markus is thinking, but knows better than to ask with him buried to the hilt inside Connor’s body. It feels too good. He doesn’t want it to stop. _

_But he knows it’s different now. He knows that it is, because he wants nothing more than to throw his arms around Markus’ neck and kiss him while they go at it against this bookshelf. He’s in love with his best friend, and it’s a goddamned shame, because he really doesn’t have the time to get emotionally invested in a relationship._

_He has no idea where Markus stands on the matter. He has selfishly not bothered asking. He’s almost afraid of the answer. What if Markus wants a relationship and Connor can’t give him one? What happens to their friendship afterward? Worse yet, what if he doesn’t want one, and Connor does? What are they going to do?_

_Damned if you do, damned if you don’t._

_Lately, Markus has taken to praising Connor, like he is right now. As he thrusts up into him and strikes that spot inside him dead-on, Connor hears him through the sparks of pleasure that erupt within him. He hears him telling him how good he feels, his pitch elevated just a bit and his grip on Connor’s thighs bruising him. It’s just a mantra of “you’re so good, you’re so fucking good…” that leaves Connor even more weak with pleasure. _

_He could die happy right now, because he doesn’t have to think about what he wants from Markus. He doesn’t have to worry about ruining his friendship. If he died right now, he’d be on Cloud Nine. _

_The things that feelings do to a person. Connor is thinking so irrationally and stupidly right now that it’s embarrassing even without saying any of it aloud. He’s normally such a level-headed, logical person that thinking petty, childish things like he has been eats him up inside._

_And yet, he can’t evade them._

_Markus has that effect on him, apparently._

_Markus is still praising him, even as his climax washes over him and his thrusts become erratic, and Connor still moans in tandem with the noises. HIs own release hits in waves, and he dares to let Markus’ name spill from his lips as each surge of pleasure washes over him._

_In the end, he’s left, spent, against that shelf, both he and Markus panting and trying to catch their breath. Markus gently coaxes himself from Connor’s body and helps him to his feet. Catches his arms as his knees buckle. Soon enough, they’re both on the ground, lying on their backs._

_Markus looks so good all sprawled out like that, with one hand hovering over his chest, which is heaving as he works to get his regular breathing rhythm back. His skin glistens with just the thinnest sheen of sweat, and as he pants, his lips are curled into a smile. He’s naked and spent, and he looks like a damned work of art lying next to Connor, complete with a light source that never can seem to find a bad angle on him._

_Has he always been this beautiful?_

_“You must have really been raring to go that time,” Markus teases, finally turning his attention to Connor, who is lying on his side, something of an embarrassed smile on his lips. Markus has a good point, honestly. He had dropped by Markus’ house as planned, but rather than waiting until they had a chance or a moment, Connor had dove right into it. _

_He can’t even make an excuse about how bad his day has been. It’s just been another normal day on the force, with the same bullshit as always, and the same level of general understanding of his job. Quite frankly, it’s just a simple matter of accepting the fact that once Connor had gotten off work and gotten to Markus’ place, he had seen him in his sleeveless tank top and sweatpants that hung just right on his hips and utterly lost his cool._

_He’s always been physically attracted to Markus. There aren’t many people who can look at the guy and say they aren’t, though, so he’s never really thought anything of it. But this time around, he had seen Markus, lost any sense of self-control, and all-but pulled him into the living room for more. _

_And they’d fucked against a bookshelf. Markus had fed right into Connor’s spontaneous excitement, and they’d gone at it right there, with Connor’s hands slipping against the shelves as he tried to balance himself and Markus filling him up just right, as per usual._

_Connor’s in love with his best friend. He’s in love, and he knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that he wants more, but he can’t bring himself to risk their friendship by asking._

_“I suppose I was,” is all Connor can manage in response._

\--- --- --- --- ---

“You did what now?” Even Daniel, who isn’t exactly a guru of relationship advice, looks shocked by Connor’s words. In his defense, Connor would never, ever open his mouth and say something like this in a normal mental state.

But here he is, saying exactly what happened, which is no more or no less than the fact that he confessed his love for Markus mid-coitus.

Not _only_ did he bring up feelings he was trying desperately to keep out of the picture in the first place, but he did it _during sex_.

He can still remember the way Markus had looked at him. How embarrassed he’d been right off the bat. How any urge to keep going had faded almost instantly when Connor had seen the damage he had done…

“Yeah, I know…” Connor replies, frustrated, as he leans back on the couch and tips his head toward the ceiling. His eyes fall shut as he lets out a long, much-needed sigh. “I don’t know why I did it. I definitely didn’t plan to, and if I was ever going to, I would have normally not done it in the middle of having sex with him. Jesus, I’m an idiot.”

“You kind of are,” Daniel scolds softly, though there’s no real bite to his words. He’s perceptive—sometimes more so than Connor—so he can tell that this whole thing is greatly bothering his friend. If Connor would have opted to fall in love with anyone other than Markus, it would have been Daniel. “But do you actually feel that way?”

Connor’s eyes fall open there and he tips his head back down to meet Daniel’s gaze.

“Are you in love with him?” Daniel repeats, raising both eyebrows in near-impatience.

Connor can’t even think twice about it at this point. He would have never said it if he didn’t feel as strongly about Markus as he does now. He would have never entertained the thought if it wasn’t as strong as it is now. That in mind, he nods his head. “Yeah.”

“Do you want more than sex?” Daniel continues, down a route Connor has already predicted.

“I already have that,” Connor responds simply. “He’s one of my best friends. Or he was. I don’t know what’s going to happen next.”

“Please, Connor,” Daniel retorts, rolling his eyes. “This is Markus we’re talking about. You’ve just got to sit down and discuss it with him.”

Connor doesn’t agree. Not even a little. Yeah, he can talk to Markus about anything, but after the way things had gone last night…he’s not so sure.

\--- --- --- --- ---

_The minute Connor realized his feelings for Markus, he should have never opened his legs for him again. The minute he realized he was in love, he should have stopped. For both their sakes, he should have called it off and asked to just stay friends. _

_But here he is, yet again giving himself to Markus. He’s straddling the other man’s waist, fucking himself shamelessly on his cock, his hands on his shoulders as he utterly loses himself in the feeling. Their bodies are so close together that Connor can’t help but get swept up in the close contact. Markus’ body carries a natural warmth that Connor has found especially intoxicating as of late, and he can’t help but bury himself in the crook of his friend’s neck as he moves. His body feels like it’s on fire in the best way possible, and as Markus curses and moans and dishes out that praise that Connor can’t get enough of, his chest almost feels as if it’s going to explode._

_God, he’s in love. Fuck everything, he’s in love._

_He loves the way Markus laughs when they’re conversing about bad television shows together. He loves how Markus looks when he’s focused particularly strongly on a task. He loves the way Markus reassures him, how he sounds when he needs reassurance. And god…god, Connor loves the way he fucks him._

_“Connor—” Markus moans as he curls one arm around Connor’s waist and buries his other hand in the man’s hair. “You’re so good, you feel so good…”_

_Connor is usually beyond words at this point, but with his emotions as high as they are right now, he can’t help but respond. “You too, Markus…I…”_

_There’s only a moment of hesitation before the confession slips from his lips._

_“I love you.”_

_The impact is instantaneous. Markus stops moving, and Connor’s blood runs cold. He sits bolt upright and gazes down at Markus, who is gawking at him in shock. Mismatched eyes look beyond confused, and it’s in seeing how lost that gaze is that Connor realizes how badly he just fucked up._

_He curses and climbs off of Markus, any hint of sexual desire long faded with the echoes of his unfair words. Markus is still gaping at him._

_“Connor—”_

_“I’m sorry,” Connor interrupts, moving to pull the blanket over his waist, his eyes wide with shock from his own words. “I—that was too far.”_

_“Wait, Connor, just…breathe for a minute, will you?”_

_Connor can’t breathe right now. He simply can’t. He’s just gone and torched their agreement all in a matter of seconds, and he didn’t even give Markus a chance to have a thought on it before he’d let it slip. Their friendship, their relationship…there’s no way they can salvage this. Connor’s rational thought process comes in at full throttle, and he shakes his head._

_“Can you leave?”_

_Markus frowns deeply. “I dunno if that’s a good idea. Connor, we need to talk about this—”_

_“I don’t want to talk about it,” Connor replies quickly, shaking his head again. “Go home, Markus.”_

_He’s scared, and so he shuts down. He doesn’t see Markus get up and get dressed. He’s too busy glaring down at his own lap in embarrassment and regret. He only hears as the other man takes his leave, and once he hears the front door click shut, he flops back onto the mattress and covers his eyes with his forearm._

_What the hell has he just done?_

\--- --- --- --- ---

“So, let me get this straight.” Daniel, who has long-since finished his meal, sets the empty plate on the table in front of him and rests his elbows on his knees, peering up at his friend. “You not only told him in the middle of sex that you loved him, but you asked him to leave without taking a much-needed chance to talk to him about it?”

Connor nods slowly. He’s glad he didn’t eat any, because he’s starting to feel sick. The weight of what happened makes him feel heavier every passing second. He can’t help but be afraid that he’s just cost himself a very good friendship. His life may never be the same again.

“Are you open to talking to him about it again?” Daniel offers, a frown on his face.

“I don’t know, honestly,” Connor replies, clearly frustrated. “I don’t think it’s fair to him.”

“Excuse me,” Daniel scoffs, “but what the hell do you even mean by that?”

Connor shrugs. “I didn’t give him a chance to talk about it last night, and I don’t even know if he’d want to at this point. I sprung something big on him. I don’t want him to feel like he has to take it if he doesn’t want it.”

“You’re assuming he doesn’t, though,” Daniel reminds curtly. “You’re going into this whole thing acting like you’re being the big bad wolf of love confessions and not giving the possibility that he might feel the same way a second thought. Look…” He sits back, crossing his arms. “We all see the way he looks at you. Sure, he may consider himself one of your best friends, but that doesn’t mean this whole love thing isn’t mutual between you guys. You’ve gotta just stop worrying about what he’s thinking and get the answers for your damn self.”

Connor turns his focus back down to his lap. “I dunno, Daniel.”

“This is kind of funny, actually,” Daniel continues. “You’re literally the most logic-oriented guy I know, and you don’t want access to the facts. Is it because you’re afraid of what he’s gonna say? Or is it because you don’t know what you want?”

Yeesh. Daniel hit the nail right on the head without trying. Connor winces visibly at the words, before he lets out a long sigh. “I’m not sure. Maybe a bit of both. This whole thing started because we were both too busy to get involved emotionally with one another. A relationship…just wouldn’t work. I can’t force him into that even if he did want it.”

“Alright, look.” Daniel takes Connor’s face into his hands, squishing his cheeks together, as he glares right into his eyes. “You do realize you’re setting time aside to sleep with him, right? You’re best friends, so any free time you guys have is spent together anyway. You wouldn’t be dedicating any more effort to just up and dating the guy, because you’re practically doing that already. So just…fucking talk to the guy and maybe be his boyfriend in the process, won’t you?”

The next few seconds are likely comical. Connor’s heart is still heavy, but he’s dumbfounded by the random move Daniel had pulled in squeezing his cheeks together like that. Daniel still has that hold on his face and is still staring just as intensely into Connor’s eyes as he had been when he was speaking, but there’s an odd, tense silence, before they both burst out laughing.

Connor loves Daniel. Connor himself is an extremely rational thinker who doesn’t put much stock into anything that doesn’t immediately make sense without pondering it at least twice. But even despite all that, he can’t see half of the things Daniel can.

This whole time, he’s been having sex with Markus. Setting aside times to sleep with him after work or before going out somewhere on the weekend. Most of his time really is spent with Markus, and still, he’d thought he hadn’t had the time to enter into a relationship with him. Mind you, this still doesn’t answer the question of mental capacity for one, but with how much time Connor spends in Markus’ presence, it probably isn’t something that requires a lot of emotional energy. Hell, having sex with him had gotten emotional without Connor even trying.

He both hates and loves how right Daniel is about the situation, and it shows on his expression as he sits back and meets blue eyes with his own warm brown ones. “Sometimes, I think you’re actually the smart one.”

Daniel scoffs. “I could’ve told you that. So, are you gonna call the guy or what?”

Connor shakes his head, ignoring the look of irritated shock Daniel gives him in response. “Not yet. I blindsided him last night, you know? I’ve got to think of a way to explain things to him without making it any worse.”

Daniel cocks an eyebrow, looking unimpressed. “I think telling him you’re in love with him is gonna cover it, Connor.”

Connor just smiles. “You know me. Please, just let me do this part my way, okay?”

Daniel doesn’t look like he wants to, but he obeys despite that. He lets out a long sigh and then reaches for the remote so that he can turn on Netflix. It’s always his go-to when he comes by, because he and Connor always end up chattering and ignoring whatever mindless documentary Daniel manages to find.

Either way, as he scrolls through the list of cooking shows, he shrugs his shoulders and flashes Connor an impatient look. “Eat your chicken and cheese.”

Daniel isn’t looking at Connor to see it, but Connor is beaming at his friend. All day today, Connor’s stomach has been twisting uncomfortably with regret for what had happened. He’s still not sure how it’s going to go, but he definitely feels more optimistic now that he’s actually had the chance to talk about it. And Daniel’s advice makes sense, so there’s that too.

Despite the mindless restaurant spotlight show Daniel selects on Netflix, he and Connor are both engrossed in the contents for once. Perhaps it’s because what needed to be said has been said already, or maybe it’s something else. Either way, the silence is a peaceful one that Connor can tell by the energy in the room neither man minds. It’s been a long work day, and Connor sort of enjoys the chance to unwind. Daniel, on the other hand, simply seems to be enjoying the show he selected.

And with Connor’s appetite back, he decides it’s a good time to try and take Daniel up on his suggestion.

He manages to get about halfway through his meal before his phone rings. He leans forward to pick it up off the coffee table, and then freezes at the name on the display.

No…Connor shouldn’t be surprised. Of course Markus would call him eventually. He’s not the type to leave things like that, and to be completely honest, he probably deserves some closure. But Connor wasn’t expecting a phone call from him tonight. Maybe tomorrow, he would give Markus a call, but tonight…?

In any case, it wouldn’t be right to ignore the call. Chances are, that would worsen things, so Connor picks his phone up. He can tell Daniel knows by looking at him who is calling, so he doesn’t have to excuse himself. He simply picks up the phone, starts into the hallway, and answers.

“Markus, hey,” he greets, cursing himself for how nervous he sounds.

_“Not gonna lie, I was scared you weren’t going to answer.”_ Much to Connor’s own selfish relief, Markus sounds just as nervous as Connor himself is.

“I guess I can’t blame you for that, huh?” Connor laughs somewhat awkwardly, and he hears Markus’ chuckles mimicking his own on the other line. “But no, I don’t have the heart to do that. What’d you need?”

What any sane person would need, right? To talk things over. It only made sense. They were best friends. This didn’t have to be the deal breaker for them.

_“I was just calling to check on you,” _Markus replies, and Connor feels his heart start to melt. Even now, all Markus can do is express concern. Connor simply doesn’t deserve him. _“You seemed really shaken up last night. Are you alright?”_

Connor’s fingers tremble on his phone, before he slides down against the wall and finds himself sitting against it. He nods his head even though he knows Markus can’t see the gesture. “Yeah, I’m fine. You’re sweet for checking up on me.”

_“Please, Connor,” _Markus chuckles over his end of the call, _“why wouldn’t I? What’re friends for?”_

Friends.

Is that what Markus wants to be?

Can Connor handle that?

Would he really be able to walk away from Markus if that were the case?

He doesn’t realize how long he’s gone without speaking until Markus clears his throat, the lighthearted tone suddenly leaving his voice. Connor feels the compulsion to chase after it.

_“Listen…what you said last night. I’d really like to talk about it, okay?” _Markus’ voice sounds desperate. Connor had been ready to beg him to stop talking, but he can’t bring himself to argue against the pitiful sound of his voice. _“I know how you are about showing up out of the blue, so I won’t ask that we meet up tonight…but soon?”_

Connor bites his lip so hard that it bleeds. He curses around a loud whisper, letting his eyes fall shut. “No…you’re right. We need to talk about it. I want to talk to you about it. And honestly, Markus, sooner is better than later at this point.” He just knows that if he plans it too far into the future, he’ll get cold feet and want to run away from it before it even gets started. That in mind, he sighs and runs his fingers through his hair, sucking away the blood that biting his lip has let free. “Tomorrow, okay? Tomorrow, you come by when you get off work and we’ll talk. Will that work?”

Markus’ relief is heard without him even needing to speak. “Yeah, okay, I can live with that. I’ll see you then, Connor? Please take care of yourself, okay?”

Connor smiles in response to those words, because despite himself, he knows that Markus knows him too well. He knows that he had likely worried himself out of eating and if not for Daniel, he’d probably still be sitting here, dwelling on things.

But at the very least, he has something to look forward to, now. Optimism. A chance at a future with Markus still in it, as his friend or otherwise.

It definitely doesn’t feel as awful as it did this morning.

God, sex is such a mess…


	2. Chapter 2

Back when Carl was alive, he’d often told Markus that he was a dastardly combination of quirks that somehow managed to mingle well into one person. Markus has always been thoughtful and passionate—the type to fantasize about things that likely couldn’t ever happen but somehow try and make something out of them anyway. He’s also impulsive. If he sees something exciting and promising, he goes for it. He’s always been that way. After all, how can you hope to discover anything without throwing yourself into the unknown?

Markus just can’t see it any other way, which makes it interesting to process how he and Connor had gotten as close as they had so quickly. Markus doesn’t remember when they went from acquaintances to utterly inseparable, but here they are, spending damn near every single day after work together.

Markus is a busy man. A member of an up-and-coming architectural team, he spends most of his days poring over blueprints and outlining models to present to clients who are becoming more and more important every single day. Markus and his team are making quite the name for themselves, but it’s not without effort. Some nights, Markus is out until nearly midnight. He comes home exhausted, but his mind is running a million miles an hour, so he has difficulty lulling himself to sleep.

Which is where Connor comes in, and where things got interesting.

\--- --- --- --- ---

_Markus has turned visiting Connor into something of a habit now. Connor is a dedicated planner, and not the type to take keenly to someone dropping by at his house unannounced. But Markus is apparently a rare exception. Just high enough on the friend tier to be allowed to visit at his leisure, he supposes._

_Either way, he’s gone three days without proper sleep, and he’s got a presentation with some very important clients in the morning, which means he needs to have a clear head when he goes to make said presentation. But with the way going to bed after work has gone lately, that’s probably not happening. So…Markus has dropped by Connor’s place again in hopes of winding down._

_Presently, he’s pacing about Connor’s home, venting about how tired he is, while Connor stands in the open kitchen, watching over the bar that separates it from the living room as Markus paces back and forth. It’s the same thing, over and over again: he can’t sleep, but he’s tired and he knows he needs sleep to function properly, but Unisom and Zzzquil and even Benadryl aren’t doing anything for him, and he doesn’t know what to do._

_Connor is such a good friend, even if solely for the fact that he’s willing to listen to Markus rant on and on about the same things over and over again and not do so much as bat an eyelid in annoyance._

_“Maybe you need to take a few days off after this presentation, Markus,” Connor suggests. He’s never been the type to coddle anyone. Suggestions on making the situation better have always been his go-to route. Another reason Markus always turns to him—because he knows he can count on him to help get him pointed in the right direction. “Just to catch your breath and reorient yourself. I know you don’t sleep some nights when you’re up thinking about your work.”_

_How Connor manages to shut his mind off after he clocks out is beyond Markus. He works as a police officer, and he’s somehow impeccable at keeping his job at the door when he leaves to come home. Markus, on the other hand, spends hours thinking about an adjustment he could have made here or what he’s going to tell his team and his clients when he speaks to them all in the same room. He can never fully shut down, which is why he and the vast collection of sleeping pills in his medicine cabinet are very familiar with one another. _

_“I want to,” Markus responds easily enough, “and if I can, I will. But right now, I can’t sleep, and that’s not good because I need a clear head in the morning.”_

_Connor frowns for a moment, before he rounds the bar and starts into the living room. Markus watches him approach. Sees the way he reaches out and grasps at Markus’ shoulder. “Pacing back and forth in a panic isn’t helping you any,” he explains simply. Markus expects him to leave it at that, but the hand on his shoulder slides down, and as Connor’s fingers travel down the length of Markus’ arm, along his forearm, and to his wrist, Markus feels something so intense he’s not sure he knows how to swallow it down._

_“You’re so tense…” Connor murmurs, and the concern in his tone is what does Markus in. His body suddenly feels like it’s buzzing, and maybe it’s the lack of sleep getting the better of him or maybe it’s something else, but he can’t keep his hands to himself. Not with the way Connor is speaking right now. He’s…god, he’s got to do something._

_With Connor as close to him as he is, Markus slides an arm around his waist and pulls him against him. The two of them are just one inch apart in height, but it still feels like Connor is looking up at Markus when their eyes meet and the shock makes itself known in his big brown eyes. Markus feels weak at the sight. How long has that image made him this unstable?_

_He feels the way Connor’s hand seeks out the palm of his own, his fingers flattening against it. Markus can tell he’s uncertain, but as he tilts his wrist just slightly and moves to lace his fingers with Markus’, they both know the direction this is headed in._

_“It’s just for now,” Markus tells Connor as he urges him back toward the couch and tips his head to close his lips around the crook of Connor’s neck. He feels his friend tense somewhat, but relaxation comes immediately afterward._

_Could it be possible that Connor needs this as much as Markus does? Maybe he leaves his job at work when he clocks out, but that doesn’t mean that whatever happened during the day doesn’t get to him every now and then. Maybe he’s just infinitely better at keeping his stress to himself than Markus is. There’s no telling. Either way, Markus knows when Connor steps backward with Markus still wrapped around him toward the couch that whatever this is, is mutual._

_“It’s just release,” Markus reassures as he works open Connor’s shirt. He feels Connor nod against him, and once his shirt is hanging wide open, he lowers himself down and backs onto the couch, waiting for Markus to join him. _

_“It’s just sex,” Connor tells him in response. Markus can see the nervousness in his expression as he awaits him, but he also sees trust and patience and understanding. A longing to explore this sudden curiosity that has bubbled up between the two of them. Markus needs the release to help him get his mind off of work and wind down to sleep, and Connor, from the looks of it, needs it to help him understand something that’s going on in his mind._

_Connor’s the opposite of impulsive. He doesn’t sink right into anything. He counts his chickens and then counts them again. He’s always been that way, ever since Markus could remember. It borders on neurotic._

_So when Connor eagerly joins Markus in the most sudden tryst he’s ever had in his entire life, Markus feels special. Appreciated. Trusted. Important._

_They’re just friends, and they both know that. This is just sex. It’s just release. It’ll be okay._

_\--- --- --- --- ---_

Markus never took those few days off. Ever since the founding of his architectural group, he’s been essentially married to his job. Everything he decides to do with regard to it is of critical importance. Every meeting, every shift, every blueprint. Everything down to the last little drop of E6000 he uses when constructing dioramas, it all matters. It’s whether or not he’s going to get his clients to accept and complete the contract. It’s whether or not they’re going to spread the word about Markus and his group. It’s his entire future all bottled up into way more than forty hours a week.

But after last night, Markus needs a break. Upon coming into work, he immediately knew he couldn’t think straight, and so did the rest of his team. They’re not the type to harass him about staying at work or talk him into coming in early. In fact, the only real workaholic at his job is Markus. So naturally, when they see that his focus is completely shot, they’re automatically vying for him to turn the hell around and go back home.

Markus, for once, agrees with them. The thing is, he’s only halfway focused on his job, and for once, he feels as if he needs to not be focused on it at all. He should be at home, thinking about what he’s going to do with what happened last night.

So here he is now, lying on his back on the couch at home, trying to push the fact that he should be at work right now out of his mind. It’s only a challenge half the time, because the other half of his rampant thinking is about how he wonders if Connor is ever going to speak to him again.

Connor doesn’t startle easily in the literal sense. He’s a die-hard detective who does phenomenal work. He’s probably seen things Markus couldn’t even begin to imagine, and he’s still as committed to his job as ever. Sure, he’s come home a little shaken up because of a case involving a child or because he’d been nearly shot, but he always recovers and goes right back in to work without hesitation.

But when it comes to things that center more on the personal and the emotional, Connor is as trigger happy as they come. Markus didn’t do anything differently last night—it was Connor who had changed things up. It was Connor who had outright dropped the word the both of them had been avoiding like the plague.

They hadn’t exactly sat down and laid out the details. It had just been a silent agreement that they wouldn’t get emotionally attached. They wouldn’t kiss, and they wouldn’t spend too long touching. They had sex for relief. They had sex because they trusted one another with their bodies.

But somewhere along the line, things had changed. And it isn’t just for Connor, either. Markus looks back on everything that’s happened, from the handful of evenings spent together before they started sleeping with each other to the many heated nights once they had gotten intimate, and he knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is definitely more to it than just the state of being friends with benefits.

Sex without intimacy is a lie. When Markus had started this whole thing, he had planned on making it the least personal as he possibly could. But he should have known better. Connor had laid back and given him his body. Connor, even though he had seemed to be on the same page as Markus about it just being sex, had opened up to him and exposed himself in a way that he wouldn’t dare do for anyone else.

Markus is too passionate for sex without feelings. He can’t not get attached. So when Connor let those words slip last night, Markus had definitely wanted to talk about it. Because the thing is, it’s entirely possible that that the whole reason Markus decided to confide in Connor sexually has a lot less to do with stress and a lot more to do with feelings than he’d imagined.

The long and short of it? Markus has loved Connor for much longer than he realized up until last night.

And now, he has no clue what to do about it. He’d been fully prepared to sit and talk logically with Connor about what happened, but Connor had all-but shut down. Begged Markus to leave. Chose to do the opposite of what they needed to do about it and closed himself off.

Markus can’t shake the worry that Connor is going to try and forget what he said—that he’s going to cut and run. Not only would that leave their situation utterly unresolved, but it would cost them both a very powerful friendship that not only Markus needs, but so does Connor.

Frustrated, Markus gets up from the couch and starts into the kitchen. He snags a beer bottle and pops it open, downing about half of it, before he starts into his room. He just wants to take the edge off of his rampant thoughts. Slow them down a little—maybe talk his body into letting him take a nap.

Being in love with his best friend is more exhausting than the sixty or seventy odd hours Markus spends at work.

\--- --- --- --- ---

_“You’re kidding, right?” Markus almost can’t believe what he’s hearing, but when he glances over at Connor from his end of the couch, he sees nothing but seriousness looking back at him. “Right now?”_

_“Why would I be kidding?” Connor questions simply, and then something of a small smile finds its way onto his lips. Connor is often mistaken for rigid and not easily entertained, but Markus knows better. Especially right now, when his best friend has just out of the blue suggested they have sex. There’s no outside stimuli, either. No sexy scene on television prompts either of them into it, and it’s not like they haven’t gotten it on recently. _

_He and Connor have been living comfortably under their friends with benefits arrangement for a couple of weeks, now. Markus is quickly learning that while Connor is careful about everything else in his life, he does not mind a spontaneous tryst with Markus. Hell, that’s usually how their evenings after work start. Markus comes over, they have sex, and then they hang out and watch television afterward. _

_In any case, Connor has just told Markus he wants to go again, and there isn’t a hint of teasing in his eyes. Markus would like to tell him that it’s too damned soon, but the way his body responds tells him that’s not happening. He’s definitely not about to say no to a round two, especially considering the way Connor is looking at him right now. It’s got to be the friendliest version of bedroom eyes Markus has ever seen. _

_He shifts over closer and reaches for Connor’s thigh, and Connor outright scoffs. He takes Markus’ hand away from his leg and turns to face him with nothing short of purpose in his eyes._

_“This isn’t a bad porno, Markus,” he explains simply. “We don’t have to start slow.” He shoves Markus down onto his back and moves to straddle him, making a display of rocking his clothed ass down right over the growing erection in Markus’ pants. “I’ve been thinking about this all day, so maybe I want it a little more than usual.”_

_For the first time since this whole thing started between the two of them, Markus has to remind himself that he and Connor aren’t dating. That they’re friends with benefits, and this is just a day where Connor is particularly enjoying the benefits. Frankly, Markus can understand and also agree._

_That’s why he makes quick work of tugging open the belt and fly to his jeans and grins playfully up at Connor. “I’m not about to say no.”_

_It’s probably meant to be innocent enough. A simple case of Connor seeking out physical release on a day when he really needs it, but when Markus sees Connor with his body completely impaled on his cock, his hands balled up into fists around the shirt Markus is still wearing as he fucks himself relentlessly, he can’t help but drink in the sight. Friends don’t consider other friends sexy, do they? _

_Either way, Markus can’t look away from Connor’s flushed features or the way his mouth has been hanging open this entire time, letting spill a series of little, breathy moans. His hips are doing more swiveling than they are bobbing up and down, and the friction has Markus going crazy. It’s only a matter of time before he grips Connor’s hips tightly in his hands and holds him steady while his own violent thrusts take over. He pounds up into Connor unapologetically until they’re both coming apart, moaning in tandem._

_It takes everything in Markus’ power not to suggest they take a shower together to clean up afterward. Because if seeing Connor the way Markus just saw him is any telling factor, they’re toeing some seriously dangerous territory here._

_And he knows that neither of them want it to stop._

\--- --- --- --- ---

Markus doesn’t even realize he fell asleep until he snaps awake. His mind burns with the memory he’d dreamt fresh behind his eyes. God, Connor had looked so good there. Hell, he can’t think of a time when Connor hadn’t looked good while they’d been having sex. Whether he was fucking Connor up against a bookshelf or looking over at him while cooking dinner and seeing him in a shirt that didn’t belong to him, Markus knows Connor is drop-dead gorgeous. People have friends that are drop-dead gorgeous, though. North is absolutely stunning, and Simon is downright beautiful. Don’t get him started on Josh.

But Connor…god, he’s on a whole other level. Markus knows beyond a shadow of a doubt at this point that he’s head over heels in love with his best friend, and also that he doesn’t want to let him go like this. He has to talk to him. He needs to sit down and work things out. Otherwise, his feelings are going to dominate everything he does. And he knows Connor hasn’t pushed it out of his mind, either.

He needs to call and talk to him.

Markus turns over and grabs for his phone. He laments momentarily about how Connor hasn’t bothered to call or text him, but pushes it aside. Connor has most likely been at work all day for one, and honestly, he’s probably taking all this time to think. So for now, he focuses on the time.

Holy _shit_, has he really been asleep all day long? Markus gave up on trying to work around eleven in the morning. By the time he had showered and finished his beer, it was almost one. Now, it’s seven-thirty at night. He wants to be surprised, but he then remembers that sleep isn’t something he usually manages to get anyway, so his body probably needed the rest. Still…

In any case, it’s time for him to give Connor a call, so he rolls out of bed and heads for the kitchen to get started cooking. He dials up Connor’s number as he works.

He’s not sure what he expecting to happen. Will Connor pick up like it’s nothing? Or will he just ignore the call? Will he send Markus straight to voicemail?

Thankfully, he doesn’t have long to dwell on it, because Connor actually picks up. He knows the other man can hear the relief in his voice as he speaks up. From the sound of it, Connor seems to be doing alright, too. He doesn’t sound tired or despondent, at least.

And on top of that, he agrees to meet Markus so that they can talk. It doesn’t mean anything solid, but it’s progress. It’s something, and it means that their friendship may not be over. Hell, if things go in the direction Markus is hoping for, they may have something more than friendship.

Maybe Markus is a busy man. Maybe he’s basically married to his job and his time at home is limited. But so is Connor. The time they spend together won’t change. It’ll just…mean something a little more. And hell, maybe that’s what Markus needs to sleep better at night. Maybe he needs someone to come home to. Maybe that’s the whole reason it’s always been Connor he’s slept with.

\--- --- --- --- ---

Thankfully, this whole mess started right before a weekend, so both Markus and Connor are able to find time to pay one another a visit. Markus decides to invite Connor to his home this time around, and he prepares a meal. Connor loves a simple BLT, so Markus cooks that up and prepares some fries for them to enjoy in the process. He’s in the middle of slicing up an avocado to put on the sandwiches when he hears the door to his home come open.

It’s strange, how normal this experience feels. Despite how awkward things had been the night before last night, Connor greets Markus with a smile. He’s relaxed and surprisingly easygoing about the whole thing, and as per usual, he invites himself right onto Markus’ couch.

Connor looks like he belongs there, greeting Markus and smiling at him from the couch like he is right now. Markus wonders if Connor himself feels that he belongs there. He doesn’t look uncomfortable, at least. He certainly seems a lot more pleasant than the man who had shunned Markus from his bedroom the other night.

“How was work?” Connor asks, referring to yesterday. His tone is as polite as ever, but his body language puts him calmly on the couch, sprawled out on his stomach, while he watches Markus cook. He’s always done that, though. If anything, it only solidifies to Markus that their friendship isn’t going anywhere.

“I didn’t work much, actually,” Markus admits as he plates his and Connor’s dishes. “I took most of yesterday off.”

Connor frowns, most likely because he knows that’s not like Markus. “Is it because of the other night?”

Markus doesn’t want to lie, but he also doesn’t want to see that pleasant expression fall away from Connor’s features. He dodges most of the question instead as he brings their plates into the living room. “I haven’t been sleeping well at all lately. I think my brain was just a little fried.”

He offers Connor his plate as Connor adjusts until he’s sitting upright, but the other man places the dish down on the table almost instantly. He folds his hands in his lap and turns to face Markus with one leg pulled up on the couch. “I’m not going to be able to eat until we talk.”

Markus scoffs softly. “That’s fine. Let’s hear it.”

Connor frowns. “You were the one who asked to talk.” There’s a playful edge to his voice, however, that tells Markus he doesn’t mean anything by it.

Which is why Markus doesn’t mind nudging him gently with his knee after he puts his own plate down on the table. “You’re the one who can’t eat because of it.”

Connor looks like he wants to nudge Markus back for the briefest of moments, but then, he turns his gaze down to his lap. He folds his hands into fists atop his thighs, glaring down at himself. All in a matter of seconds, he goes from relatively calm to extremely uncomfortable, before he finally steels himself and turns his gaze up to Markus once more.

“I meant what I said,” he admits outright, his expression suddenly firm and unwavering. “Or…well, I think I do. I’ve never been in love. I don’t even know what that kind of thing is supposed to feel like.”

Markus outright laughs. “I think you’re dwelling on the details a little too much, Connor. I don’t know what being in love is supposed to feel like, either. You don’t come into life being prepared for something like that. But you seemed pretty sure of it when you said it the other night. From my experiences with you, I think I can safely say that you’re not really the type to say things like that without having at least some level of certainty about them.”

“I was convinced of my feelings before then, I think,” Connor admits. “I went back and forth a lot because I wasn’t certain that it deserved a label as intense as _love_, but whatever I’m feeling…god, it’s powerful.” Markus watches Connor raise a hand to his chest, where his fingers ball into a fist around the fabric covering the spot where his heart lies beneath. “I don’t want it to change what we have, though. I’m scared of losing you because I went and caught feelings.”

Markus sighs, sitting back and resting his hands in his own lap. “You don’t have to worry about that.”

Connor frowns, his expression genuinely surprised, as he turns his gaze up to Markus once more. “You really think you can continue to see our relationship the same way?”

Markus shrugs. “If that’s what the situation calls for, yeah. I value what we have just as much as you do, you know? But you’re completely ignoring one other possibility.”

Connor doesn’t speak there. Markus almost thinks he can see realization on the other man’s features, though. However, he simply continues peering up at Markus as he awaits an answer. And god, he looks so good just sitting there, his eyes full of wonder, waiting to receive the answer he already knows he’s going to receive. Markus is lucky he’s sitting down, because seeing Connor like that makes his knees weak.

“It’s the chance that I might have caught those same feelings,” Markus replies almost breathily, and the confession feels like having the wind knocked from his lungs. It’s such a big thing to say that the impact hits Markus hard the instant it’s out in the open.

Connor is still staring up at him, too. It’s almost as if he’s waiting for Markus to add something to that statement. Like he thinks there’s a ‘but…’ or a ‘however…’ that’s meant to follow the confession. But in all honesty, that’s what Markus wanted to say. So he just shrugs his shoulders and waits for Connor to get the point.

Which is why it’s such a shock that Connor is suddenly halfway in Markus’ lap, his arms thrown around Markus’ shoulders, as he kisses him right on the mouth. Markus had expected a verbal response, maybe, but not a physical one.

In all the times they’ve slept together, Markus has never once kissed Connor. He’s always known that Connor wouldn’t want that, because it’s too emotional. So up until now, he’s never felt those lips on his own.

But now that he gets to experience it, he’s absolutely in love with the feeling. Connor’s kisses are firm and purposeful, but his lips are soft. He waits for Markus to respond to the kiss before he takes it further, and as a result, they find rhythm almost instantly together. Markus is quick to pull Connor up until he’s straddling his lap, and both his hands move up to cup the back of the other man’s head.

It’s automatically so much different than all the other times they’ve been intimate together. Kissing automatically makes things so very much more intense and almost sweet, and Markus can feel Connor melting into the contact. Much like it is for him, it’s obvious that they’ve needed this for quite some time.

Connor’s hands wander almost immediately once he’s settled in Markus’ lap. He finds Markus’ shoulders and slides his palms up along them to his neck, and then to cup his face. Markus can feel Connor’s thumbs brushing his cheeks, and he sighs pleasantly into the contact.

They’re like that for a while—just basking in the silence and the warmth and the feeling of soft lips parting and falling shut together. It’s only after Markus dares to tease at the seam of Connor’s lips with his tongue that he pulls back. He settles back onto Markus’ thighs, staring in wonder at him.

“We need to make it official,” Connor tells him bluntly, his expression strangely solid despite the bright pink flush on his cheeks and his slightly swollen lips. His eyes are hazy, and he’s panting a little. “Do we want this to be something more?”

Markus scoffs. “I spent an hour looking for the perfect avocado for your BLT, Connor. Can I make it any more obvious?”

“You can, actually,” Connor replies bluntly, “by telling me whether or not we’re dating.”

Another scoff, before Markus settles a hand on one of Connor’s thighs. “I’d like for us to be, but you’re going to have to give me the green light on that one.”

Connor stares down at him for a moment, before he nods his head quickly. “Guess we’re dating, then.”

Markus wants to suggest that it’s the most impulsive thing he’s ever heard Connor say, but just two nights ago, he’d confessed his love to him during sex, so he’d be lying if he said it. That in mind, he instead pulls Connor forward and brushes his lips against his new boyfriend’s. “Guess so.”

And as if that decision is the key in the lock they needed to open the door, everything suddenly feels so much more personal. They’re not heatedly rutting up against one another or ripping away at one another’s clothes. Connor takes his sweet time kissing Markus again, his hands exploring freely along Markus’ neck and chest and shoulders. Markus feels one hand slide down along the expanse of his arm until it finds his hand, and their fingers lace together as Connor parts his lips into the kiss and seeks out Markus’ tongue with his own.

It’s Connor who pushes things to the next level every time. It’s Connor who deepens the kiss, and Connor who moves to tug Markus’ shirt off his shoulders. Connor dips down and suckles lightly at Markus’ collarbone, making him shudder with interest.

Markus thinks about all the times they’ve had sex in the past. About fucking Connor into the bookshelf in his living room. About taking Connor on his couch and on his bed, and how many different places they’ve actually slept together on. But it’s never quite felt like this. Connor has never seemed this desperate to connect so closely, and Markus has never felt like he could be this affectionate.

Connor has been eager before, but never quite like this. This is a whole other brand of enthusiasm. It’s very obvious between the two of them that they can do so much more, now.

Connor seems to know that Markus is going to take over there, as when he curls both arms tightly around Connor’s waist, the smaller man responds by wrapping his arms around Markus’ shoulders. With one fluid motion, Markus has taken Connor and hefted him up, only to splay him out beneath him on the couch.

Markus sees something in Connor’s face there as he hovers over him. Something like admiration…wonder…as Connor raises a hand to touch Markus' chest. Long fingers trace right down the middle of his sternum, and they splay out flat at the middle of his chest. They’ve never taken the time to explore. It’s always been a quick race to the finish out of desperation to avoid the inevitable awkwardness that would follow if things got too emotional.

But that’s different, now. They’ve talked about it. They’re a couple, now. They can explore all they want. And contrary to what they had both convinced themselves to believe, they have plenty of time to enjoy what they have right now, in this moment.

“You’re so beautiful, it’s unfair,” Connor muses, before he slides that hand around Markus’ waist and to his back, pulling him down closer. “I chase down people and exercise regularly, and I still don’t compare.”

Markus scoffs, nuzzling at the crook of Connor’s neck, as he pulls Connor’s legs apart and settles between them. “I beg to differ. I happen to enjoy the way you look a great deal. Want me to show you?”

Connor raises an eyebrow. “Do your worst, Markus.”

So Markus does. He takes a bundle of Connor’s shirt into each hand and uses the grip to push the article up until he’s got his chest mostly exposed. He presses a kiss to Connor’s collarbone. “Take your shirt off for me, okay?”

Connor obeys with a quick nod, shrugging the article off and casting it aside. Soon enough, he’s lying open, exposed to Markus, whose kisses trail down the middle of his chest, right along the line of his abs. Connor isn’t outright muscular—he’s more toned, with the shapes that make up his torso being softer and more subtle. Markus likes that. He likes that the dips in Connor’s abdomen that make up his muscles are shallow and less abrupt as he runs his tongue down along them. He presses a kiss to Connor’s navel, before he works his way back up and sucks a nipple between his lips.

It’s obvious Connor likes that by the way his breathing hitches as Markus works. His chest arches a little, probably more out of reflex than actual desire for more contact, but Markus delivers anyway. He likes how quickly Connor’s nipple hardens in his mouth, and when he slides a hand up and over to work at the other nipple with his thumb, he finds the result isn’t much different. He’s pressed flush against Connor and he swears he feels the outline of Connor’s growing arousal becoming thicker and more pronounced in his jeans.

He chuckles at that and sits back. His hand slides down to palm at Connor’s groin, where he most definitely feels his partner’s erection outlined along his inner thigh. His fingers curl around the outline, giving Connor a few mock strokes through the clothing, as he smiles down at him.

“I want to take this to my bed,” Markus explains, feeling some satisfaction in the way Connor’s breathing grows a little ragged in response to the stimulation. “That way, you’ve got no reason to leave when you’re done. You’re going to spend the night with me tonight, okay? And we’re going to have breakfast together, and I’m going to kiss you good morning, and have coffee ready for you whenever you wake up.”

Connor somehow finds it in him to laugh around his somewhat shaky breathing. “You say that like you’re going to wake up before me.”

“That mean you’re staying?” Markus questions as he stands up and backs away from the couch. He’s hard as diamonds in his own pants, but that’ll be taken care of soon enough.

“It means we need to hurry up and get to a bed before I change my mind,” Connor snarks back, as he rights himself and starts away from the couch as well. Markus lets him take the lead, admiring the shape of his spine, and how his body is just slender enough with a frame that curves in just the right places to fill out the pants that sit perfectly on his hips. He finds himself wondering how someone like Connor can truly think he’s not that attractive.

He's going to prove this man wrong soon enough, though…

In moments, they’re in Markus’ room. It’s a path they both know like the back of their hand at this point, as it’s more often where they’ve fled to have sex together. But this time, even that is different. There’s no rush. Connor spins and faces Markus at the foot of the bed, just standing there. Markus watches him work open his belt and fly and push his pants down until they fall and pool around his ankles.

“Come here,” Connor urges, and Markus obeys. When he’s close enough, Connor’s fingers find Markus’ belt loops, and he’s pulling off his pants, too. In a matter of moments, Markus and Connor are both almost completely naked, save for their boxer briefs.

Connor lowers himself onto the bed in almost slow motion, scooting back until he’s flat on his back. He peers up at Markus, knowing full-well what’s next. Markus crawls atop him and leans down to steal another kiss. He’s quickly growing attached to the way their lips come together. It’s almost like a whole other form of lovemaking all on its own, and Markus can’t get enough. He kisses Connor sweetly, taking his time, sucking that lower lip into his mouth, as his hands roam down Connor’s chest and his hips rock into Connor’s. The friction is so much sweeter with so little clothing between them, but Markus wants less.

He hooks his fingers into the waistband of his new boyfriend’s underwear, reveling in the way Connor arches up off the bed to help him remove them, and then he tugs his own off, kicking both articles aside.

As he rocks down into Connor’s hips once more, Markus amuses himself with the thought that he hadn’t imagined tonight was going to shape up this way. He had in essence, expected to converse with Connor and theoretically air everything out, and then they would either continue on with their agreement or choose not to. Actually getting Connor to agree to enter in a relationship with him in the course of less than an hour was shocking, to put it lightly.

Then again, so had been the fact that Connor had confessed his love to Markus not too long before, so he supposes it all evens out. Connor has been full of surprises ever since they started having sex together, after all.

Either way, he leans over Connor to open up his bedside table and pulls out a condom and some lube. Setting them aside, he drops down and finds his way between Connor’s legs. He curls his fingers around the base of his partner’s now-mostly-hard-arousal, running his tongue along the shaft, from base to tip. This is another thing the two of them have never tried in their handful of heated trysts together. It’s another one of those things that felt too personal, too intimate, for just friends to be engaging in.

But now, that’s not a problem. Now, Markus can be as intimate or as personal or as experimental as he wants. As Connor’s breath hitches again, Markus bobs down and sucks the head of his cock into his mouth.

He and Connor have fucked so many times at this point that he knows how much preparation Connor needs, but this time around, he plans on spending time on him. He’s rapidly learning that he likes the way Connor tastes, and it shows as he bobs up and runs his tongue along the slit at the tip of his new partner’s erection, collecting the little bits of pre-come gathering there. Connor hisses and plants a hand at the top of Markus’ head, and Markus can tell he’s fighting the urge to push him back down onto his cock.

And Markus obliges eventually. After he grabs the lube and collects some on his fingertips, he bobs back down and guides one finger to Connor’s entrance. He teases at him for a moment, before he pushes his middle finger in and twists his wrist up. Connor inhales sharply, but he’s quick to buck down onto the digit penetrating him in response. Markus hums pleasantly around his cock in response, eliciting something of a low moan.

“Y…You’re such a tease,” Connor chides breathily, pulling Markus down onto him a little more intently. “I should’ve known you’d be like this.”

Markus opens his eyes and peers up at Connor. His mouth is a little too preoccupied for him to say anything, but he figures he can get his point across well enough nonverbally. He pays special attention to the underside of Connor’s erection, running his tongue along the point where the head meets the shaft, as he pushes a second finger in and curls them both up.

He knows what he’s doing, so it doesn’t take long for him to find Connor’s prostate. He knows he has by the way Connor outright _whimpers_ in response. He likes the way both of the other man’s hands find the top of his head there.

“M…Markus, c’mon,” Connor urges, clearly growing impatient. Markus doesn’t blame him. Frankly, he wants to be inside him, too.

So, yeah, he does pull his mouth away from Connor’s cock. He spends a few more seconds focusing on preparing him, while suckling away at the inside of his boyfriend’s thigh, but soon enough, he’s withdrawing his fingers and moving to sit back.

“Turn over for me, okay?” He requests as he strokes at himself for a few seconds, before he snatches up the condom and opens it up. He unrolls it onto himself just in time for Connor to get settled on his hands and knees in front of Markus.

“You’re…so damned gorgeous,” Markus praises. He can’t stop himself from running his hand down along the middle of Connor’s back, tracing the dip of his spine. He splays a hand out on one of his hips once he reaches his destination, and uses his other hand to guide himself to Connor’s entrance. And then, he pulls back on that hip, slowly working his way into Connor’s body.

He has fucked Connor so many times at this point that he knows exactly how good it feels to be sheathed deep inside him. But right now, the feeling is so different. They’re taking their time. Connor is inhaling and exhaling slowly as Markus fills him up, and he knows it’s so much better for the both of them, because there’s the promise of something beyond just the physical. When they’re done, Markus is going to get to hold Connor. Kiss him. Whisper sweet nothings in his ear until they both grow too tired to function and pass clean out.

And yeah, he’s going to make Connor his morning coffee.

But for now, he focuses on pushing until he’s completely inside. Connor has reached for the headboard with one hand, and he seems to need a moment to adjust. There are a few seconds where Connor catches his breath, before he turns and peers at Markus over his shoulder. His mouth falls open and his head tilts back just slightly.

“You can move,” he assures, and Markus obeys. He slides his hand down to the front of Connor’s thigh and uses it as leverage to pull him back against him as he thrusts out, and then back in. His movements are slow and purposeful, meant to set a pace and get them both comfortable, but soon enough, Markus is caught up in the friction. He moans low and deep as he feels Connor’s heat surrounding him repeatedly.

“You feel so good,” he praises as he moves, his pace picking up just slightly. Connor’s grip is steady on the headboard as he nods, pushing himself back to meet Markus’ movements.

“Faster, Markus,” he urges yet again.

They’ve fucked hard against a bookshelf. They’ve had impatient, hungry sex on Connor’s couch. They’ve frotted like teenagers in the hallway. And yeah, they’ve fucked just like they are now, with Connor bent over for Markus. But never before has it felt quite like this. Never before did it feel like there was something else allowed.

It surprises Markus that Connor is the one to raise himself up until he’s pressed against Markus’ chest. He loves the way Connor tips his head and closes his lips around his jaw. That mouth is hot and slick and wet and even a little shaky against Markus’ skin, and Markus can’t stop himself from curling both arms around him as they move together.

It’s in that moment that they forget about words and get lost in the moment together. Markus settles back and pulls Connor down onto his lap, snapping his hips up into his body, as he closes his lips around the crook of his partner’s neck. He moans against Connor’s skin, and Connor whines and curses aloud as Markus fills him up completely, over and over again.

After a few moments, Markus angles his thrusts, and Connor outright yelps when Markus hits his prostate dead-on. Markus can see drool pooling at the corner of Connor’s lips, and as his relentless assault on that spot continues, it dribbles out from his mouth and trails along his chin.

God, Connor feels so good. He sounds so good. He’s perfect. He’s fucking perfect.

“You’re so good, Con…” Markus praises as he moves, shoving Connor down onto his stomach and fucking hard into him from the new position. He plants his hand on the middle of his new boyfriend’s back and slams into him. Connor doesn’t protest. In fact, it looks like he needs the leverage, with his hands balled tightly into fists around the blankets beneath him.

“Markus…Markus, fuck…”

Markus remembers the last time they had sex. How Connor so passionately caught himself up in what they were doing, to the point that he had outright confessed his feelings in the middle of it. He growls at the thought of hearing it again. It spurns something of an urge to draw it out of him once more. That in mind, he angles his thrusts and starts moving more deliberately.

“Go ahead,” he orders in between his own panting breaths. “Say it.”

Markus sees Connor turn his head to try and look at him—gets himself a prime view of the flush in Connor’s cheeks and the way he looks with every moan that spills from his lips. He’s already close, and frankly, Markus is getting there too.

“Y…You’re being serious right now,” Connor responds, and despite the bluntness of his words, Markus can tell it’s more a question than a statement. Which is why he slows his pace and rocks his hips more than he thrusts them, aiming to brush Connor’s prostate slowly and roughly with every movement.

“I want to hear it again,” Markus clarifies as he moves, taking a second to drink in the downright sinful way Connor whimpers as he drags across that sweet spot inside of him again. “This time, not on accident.”

The red in Connor’s cheeks brightens and crawls its way up to his ears. It’s how Markus knows he’s a little embarrassed. He grits his teeth, bucking his hips down frustratedly on Markus’ cock. “C’mon, Markus…”

“In a minute,” Markus replies easily enough. “I want to hear you say it first.”

“_Markus._” Connor seems to be glaring up at Markus, but it’s difficult to tell. Markus could maybe blame that on the haze of pleasure obscuring his own focus or the flustered look on Connor’s face. Either way, he’s not opposed to continuing to play dumb. “C’mon…”

“Want me to say it first?” Markus questions, wetting his lips with his tongue. “I will, if it’ll make you feel any better about it.” He rocks his hips slowly again, drawing another quivering whimper from Connor’s throat. Markus literally hears the vibration of the sound as it rises up and spills from Connor’s lips.

Connor fumbles to pull himself up onto his hands and knees, before he shakes his head. “It’s embarrassing.”

What could possibly be so embarrassing about it? Markus wonders if Connor still feels guilty for having let spill such a big confession their last time together like this. The thought softens his resolve a little, so he pulls out for a moment.

“Lie back, Connor,” He urges calmly, giving Connor a little nudge.

It’s relieving to him, how quickly Connor obeys. Because despite being embarrassed about Markus’ heated request, he still trusts him. Soon enough, he’s splayed out on his back, beckoning Markus back between his legs. Markus pulls Connor’s legs around his waist and lines himself up once more, sliding back into his boyfriend’s body, before he dips down and captures Connor’s lips in a slow, passionate kiss.

“I love you,” he responds against Connor’s lips. “I love you, and I can’t imagine ever being with anyone else the way I’ve gotten to be with you.”

He can see that second-thinking habit of Connor’s coming into play. The shock on the other man’s face, followed by the hefty mental debating. Markus has stopped moving entirely just to peer down at Connor as he waits for a response. He wants to tell Connor to stop overthinking, but he knows it’s something Connor needs. It’s how he functions.

And he’s rewarded seconds later, when Connor slides his arms around his neck and returns the kiss. It’s long, passionate, drawn-out, and probably the sweetest thing Markus has ever come into contact with. And when Connor’s done, he’s hugging him, burying his face in the crook of his neck.

“I love you too,” he responds, all muffled up against Markus’ shoulder, and god if that muffled confession isn’t the best thing Markus has ever heard. He moans at the sound, itself, as Connor tightens his legs around his waist. “Now, fuck me, I’m begging you.”

It’s all downhill from there. Markus is back to moving, and Connor is back to moaning and clutching at him. There are no more words. Just the slick sounds of two bodies moving together and the pleasured noises falling from both men’s lips, clear until Connor clenches tightly around Markus and his release paints his chest and stomach. The tightness is all it takes to pull Markus over the edge as well, and as he comes, he buries his face in the side of Connor’s neck, moaning and panting all the way.

And then they fall silent. Markus pulls out and relaxes atop Connor as he works to catch his breath. Unlike before, he takes the time to run his hand up and trace it through Connor’s hair. He tips his head and kisses the side of his neck. Buries his face in his skin. Presses another kiss there.

Connor responds in kind, too. His fingers trace little massaging lines up and down Markus’ back, and he eventually turns so that he can capture Markus’ lips in a kiss. And then, they’re stuck making out languidly for several moments, before Markus finally decides it’s time to get up.

He heads to the restroom to clean up and returns with a towel, taking a seat next to Connor. After he cleans him up a bit, he settles himself down on the bed with him. Connor looks utterly spent, his eyes half-lidded and his face still flushed from their experience together. Markus can’t stop himself from reaching out to brush some of the curls off of Connor’s forehead.

He’s on the verge of commenting on how tired Connor looks, when he notices that the other man is already nodding off. It occurs to him in seeing Connor like this that the guy has probably been stressing about tonight’s discussion ever since it had become agreed that they would meet up for it. He’s probably greatly relieved that he’s finally got it settled. Connor, the overthinker, has everything sorted out.

And they’re both going to be happy together. No more rules, no more limits. Maybe one day, they can come home to one another from work, living in the same house. For now, Markus will take what he’s got in seeing Connor fast asleep next to him.

Come to think of it, he should probably get some sleep, himself. He’s got to get up and make that morning coffee, after all…

Markus doesn’t fall asleep easily, but he’s exhausted right now. Not unlike Connor, the relief about their situation has washed over him and made him groggy. So, after working to pull the sheets over both their bodies, he curls an arm around Connor’s waist and closes his eyes.

It occurs to him as he’s just about to fall asleep that neither of them so much as touched their dinner.

That just means Markus is making more than just morning coffee tomorrow.

**Author's Note:**

> This was such a nice break from my busy work life. Don't ever be a store manager, guys! It's hell!
> 
> In any case, I loved loved loved writing this. Thank you to those of you who stopped by to give it a read, and thank you to Mimo for the request! Love you all!


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